Do unto others As you’d have them do unto you. This is the single principle underlying everything...
Last summer, around the same time I started working for Golden, my friend Ellen asked me if I’d be interested in doing a little Q&A about breakups for Mend. Initially, I was hesitant because I didn’t think I had a particularly interesting story to tell, and, by no means, do I consider myself a relationship (or breakup) expert. But I obliged anyway…
Although years had past, I never thought about the positive effect mending after the breakup had on my life and if it wasn’t for the article I wrote, I might still be clueless.
When I went through a breakup a few months ago, I reacted in a very different way: skip (most of) the self-pitying, self-deprecating behavior; focus on self growth and being positive. I was so inspired by the impact writing the first article had on me that I wrote another one. This time, there was no ‘big self-revelation’ but I felt a really strong sense of pride.
In case these sentiments strike a chord with you, I’d like to repost the listicle here on our blog:
7 Reasons to Volunteer after a Breakup
My last breakup was painful and upsetting, and it still hurts. But it was fundamentally different from any end of a relationship I had experienced before. And the only thing that was different was my attitude.
For one, I knew exactly what kind of person I wanted to be and didn’t let the pain or anger change that. I didn’t allow myself to cope by seeking attention from other people or by drinking/eating/[fill in the blank with your vice] excessively, nor did I let myself sit at home and mope. Instead, I decided to channel my energy into something that made me feel purposeful.
The second, equally big difference, was that I volunteered.
I have always volunteered a lot and considered it a part of myself and my daily life but—full disclosure—since this summer, I also work for Golden, an app that connects volunteers with nonprofit organizations.
When I went out in the field to volunteer after my breakup, I noticed a dramatic shift within myself. I got to be the person I wanted to be. I had control, I did something I was proud of, I met new people, and I made connections in a meaningful, authentic way. Most importantly, volunteering showed me what really matters and put my heartbreak in perspective.
I wasn’t running away from my feelings; I allowed myself to connect with people and be vulnerable. Permitting myself to feel in that specific environment didn’t bring up the hurt and betrayal I was feeling otherwise because of my breakup. Instead, it gave me a sense of belonging, a reminder that I was still capable of contributing to the world in a meaningful way. I felt proud and strong again through volunteering.
There’s something about helping others that heals you in return. It’s like patching up your own wounds while lifting someone else up. The sense of community, of being needed and valued, filled a void in a way that nothing else could.
There are many reasons why helping others is so effective in helping you mend. Here are seven to think about:
Reason #1: It puts your problems in perspective and helps you avoid self-pity.
When you step outside of your own bubble and see others facing challenges, it reminds you that pain is universal—and that healing is, too. Your heartbreak doesn’t disappear, but it becomes just one piece of a much bigger picture.
Reason #2: You meet new people and create new friendships.
Volunteering introduces you to people who share your values and interests. Whether it’s fellow volunteers or the people you’re helping, these connections feel genuine and uplifting at a time when you need them the most.
Reason #3: Your self-esteem increases.
Heartbreak has a way of making us feel unworthy or unlovable. Giving your time and energy to a cause reminds you that you have so much to offer, and that your value isn’t tied to a single relationship.
Reason #4: You give yourself a distraction from the pain you’re feeling.
This isn’t about avoidance—it’s about balance. Sitting with your emotions is important, but so is finding healthy ways to engage with the world around you. Volunteering gives you something positive to focus on.
Reason #5: You learn something new (maybe a skill, or something about yourself).
Whether it’s a practical skill or a deeper understanding of who you are, volunteering is an opportunity for growth. And growth, especially after heartbreak, is a powerful thing.
Reason #6: Doing something for others releases feel-good hormones like serotonin, oxytocin, endorphins, and dopamine.
There’s actual science behind why helping others makes us feel better. Acts of kindness trigger a natural boost in mood, reducing stress and increasing overall happiness.
Reason #7: It’s arguably one of the best ways to meet someone new!
While healing should always be the priority, volunteering naturally puts you in spaces where meaningful connections can happen. Whether it’s friendship or something more, you’re surrounding yourself with people who care about making a difference—people who might just make a difference in your life, too.
Breaking up hurts. That’s just it. It hurts. But hopefully, that will never change, because the hurt means that we were brave enough to open ourselves up and that we allowed ourselves to be vulnerable. And that’s one of the most beautiful gifts we can give another person—and ourselves.
As uncomfortable and disorienting as a breakup may be, it’s a chance to get to know ourselves again, to listen to our needs, and to find out what we really want. It’s also a chance to give back to others. In the process, we might just find that we’re not as broken as we thought. We are, in fact, whole—and maybe even stronger than before.
